Seeds and Soil
I often wonder how the interests and passions I feel came to be.
Were they drummed up from my own imagination, my own ego?
I question their virtue and wonder if I justify them unjustly.
Sometimes I imagine they were placed purposefully into the soil of my heart.
I picture a gardener’s calloused hand, skillfully drawing a single seed from his palm with his thumb, then pushing it down into the dirt.
I’ve wondered why some seeds lie dormant season after season.
I esteem quick growth to be far better. Productivity! Measurable yields!
But then I realize, the soil itself needs the seeds.
Yesterday I wondered toward God while shampooing my hair.
Musings that don’t seem to fit in the category of prayer are often our best conversations.
My thoughts pointed backward, realizing that for more than a decade I’ve wanted to teach.
Through written and spoken words I want to point people to freedom in Jesus!
I pondered the timing of it all, letting the self-sufficient, omnipotent God of the universe know how I would do it instead.
He lovingly reminded me that he cares more about my heart than what I produce with my hands.
My mind zooms in on the seeds, willing them to split open and give way to green sprouts.
I often wish my life was in time-lapse, fast forwarding to the part where beautiful fruit grows.
But thankfully I don’t determine my life’s rhythm.
Each stanza is orchestrated by the transcendent God who spoke the idea of time into existence.
He knows that I need to wait, to trust him to do the growing.
Rather than wishing I could miracle-grow those seeds with enough ability or hustle,
I want to celebrate their very presence as they rest.
Deep in the soil, quiet and still, shaping my heart in invisible but profound ways.
Lord, please pull the weeds of my desire for people’s approval or notoriety.
Please protect from my own pollution of forgetting that you are the point!
Be glorified in the waiting, and in your time, grow fruit that honors you and is beneficial for my brothers and sisters.
I am thankful for the seeds, but far, far more for the sower.